Fictional Tales of Absurdity

2012

2012-01-12T23:50:00.002Z

So, the plan for the year, as it would seem, is my second (solo) collection of short stories. I'll be self-publishing this one so wish me luck. It'll contain some of the stories published since the release of Perhaps. and some never before read (by most people anyway). More info in the coming months.

Kind of want to try my luck getting one or two more published if you don't mind having less new stories to read in the book. Then again, they might get declined. Don't want that. Decisions, decisions...

The Rodents are Back!

2011-12-11T23:54:00.001Z

Rodents from Beyond: Part Two was recently published by Jersey Devil Press. It's the one and only quarterly issue and Eirik Gumeny's last as editor. Check it out in the link below.

Issue Twenty-Five
Rodents from Beyond: Part Two

News To Me

2011-11-23T21:12:00.001Z

My new best friends over at SolQu shorts recently posted about what makes a short story plot. You can read the whole article here. In said article they deconstruct my short, "Cake or Pie or Timmy." Here's an excerpt:

In his recent short story ‘Cake or Pie or Timmy’, Stephen Schwegler follows all 5 short story rules.
He has two central characters that are cats, with other minor characters in the cat Timmy and the Doberman dog plus the unseen characters of the humans the cats live with.
His setting is the apartment and neighbourhood that the cats live within.
The plot is kept simple; the cats are off to raid a neighbours for pie. Will they succeed?
The central conflict is two-fold. Will they be able to overcome the dog and get the pie plus should they divert their attentions and go save Timmy from the well instead?
Which leaves use with the central theme to the story – should self-interest overrule doing the right thing and helping those less fortunate than ourselves, even if it means we have to give up or lose out on the thing we really really want?
So as we can see, structuring a short story doesn’t have to be overly complex or massively diverse. It can be keep simple yet remain hugely effective (we do love cake or Pie or Timmy here at Solqu Shorts!)

Needless to say, I'm more than pleased with this result and can't thank them enough for their kind words.

Turkey's Unite!

2011-11-18T15:08:00.001Z

Hi again! Busy week as it turns out. Latest story, entitled "Chinese Take-Out," has just been published in the Jersey Devil Press Holiday Half-Issue. It's the semi-sequel to Eirik Gumeny's "Almost Every November." So you should probably read that one first so you have a little background info. Lucky for you, they're both in the same issue. Enjoy!

Check it out here.

Inspired By Real Cats

2011-11-17T00:10:00.001Z

"Cake or Pie or Timmy" was recently published at SolQu Shorts. Check it out in the link below. It's probably the cutest thing I've ever done. As the kitty in over there should clearly indicate.

Linky.

Paperback!

2011-11-02T20:12:00.002Z

Screw the Universe is now available in paperback! For only $7.99 you can pick up the classic ebook in physical form and have myself and Perhaps., even Eirik Gumeny sign a copy. Oh, yeah, that's right. You know you want it. Plus, it'll make us happy.

Screw the Universe now!

Rodents!

2011-10-28T22:44:00.000+01:00

Hi! I've decided to throw another book excerpt out there for Perhaps. Click the link below to check out "Rodents from Beyond: Part One" on the Facebook page.

Rodents from Beyond: Part One

Back and to the Front

2011-10-22T15:24:00.002+01:00

The full cover for the print version of Screw the Universe. Which is due to be released November 1st, 2011! Get those wallets ready people!

Coming Soon! Screw the Universe in Print!

2011-09-29T18:09:00.001+01:00

I'd like to announce that the insanely popular ebook, Screw the Universe, will soon be released in paperback for all you folks unwilling to sell your souls to Amazon or Apple or whichever ereader currently making you an offer. No release date yet as we're still finalizing a few last minute things, but I've seen the formatted rough copy and it looks magnificent. More updates to come. Woo!

Expiration Date

2011-09-22T16:33:00.002+01:00

The fantastic people over at Stanley the Whale have just published one of my shorts. Please click the link below to read "Expiration Date."

Check it out!

Thanks England!

2011-09-21T16:11:00.001+01:00

So it looks like Screw the Universe has been selling well in the United Kingdom as well. During the last week it made it to #74, at least that's the highest I saw it reach.

The success of StU has also done well for Perhaps. as well. The Kindle version has jumped up during the past week as well in both the US and UK stores.

There's also a price drop coming on the paperback version of Perhaps. It's already down to $9.99 on Lulu.com. It should be reduced everywhere else in the next month or so.

Happy reading!

Another Week of Awesomeness!

2011-09-13T21:36:00.001+01:00

Well then. I really didn't think it would have been possible to have a week that topped the last one, but the last seven days have been truly amazing.

First off, we got a blurb for the cover of Screw the Universe by none other than Mr. Boomstick himself, Bruce Campbell! I was literally speechless for a good minute or two. Still, it's mind-boggling to me. Yeah, it was on Twitter, and yeah, he didn't actually read the book, but who cares! See the blurb on the Screw the Universe page, in the screen shot on the right and on this link of the actual tweet.

Secondly, and probably all due to the bit from up above, Screw the Universe made it to #15 on Amazon.com's Kindle Parodies top 100 list. In addition to that, we also made it to #65 on Amazon's Science Fiction Anthologies top 100 list.

So, again, on behalf of Eirik and myself, thank you!

Thank you!

2011-09-07T13:45:00.001+01:00

Wow! What a week! I just wanted to say, "Thank you!" on behalf of myself and Eirik Gumeny. Screw the Universe made it up to #25 on the Amazon.com Kindle Parodies top 100 list. We were completely shocked by this and couldn't be more grateful. Thank you again. Here's a picture of the Top 25 goodness!

A Whole New Kind of Top 40

2011-08-31T21:52:00.001+01:00

Hey Peoples! Looks like Screw the Universe has been busy over at Amazon.com. Top 40 in the Kindle/parody section. Oh yeah!

Screw the Universe Book Review!

2011-08-24T22:33:00.000+01:00

The incredibly sexy, mysterious and flammable Danger_Slater has been kind enough to review Screw the Universe. He posted his review on goodreads.com, but you can read it below without needing to leave the page. Or if you want to get the hell out of here the direct link is below the quote.

Danger Slater's review
Aug 24, 11

Recommended for: aliens, people in red shirts, neptunian devil bears, sex addicts and children under the age of 3

If you're looking to have a light chuckle or a pretentious snort, then this book probably isn't for you. Now, on the other hand, if you want to laugh your ass off at one of the funniest books I've ever had the pleasure of reading, then by all means buy this. On the first page alone I laughed 3 times, loudly, alone in my apartment, like an idiot. And the book never lets up.

I think that Schwegler and Gumeny must be evil geniuses. You can almost feel their glee as they sadistically murder, remurder, molest, mutilate and embarass nearly every character in the book. It's puerile, but also extremely clever. It's full of sex and violence, but as far from erotica or horror as you could possibly get. It's an easy read, but not easy to put down. The dialogue moves along at roller-coaster speeds. Puns abound. You never quite know what ridiculousness the next page may bring. Oh, and it cost less than a dollar! Seriously, for the amount of entertainment you will get from this, you'd of paid much more. At least a $1.50.

Direct Link.

Screw the Universe for Free!

2011-08-23T19:18:00.000+01:00

Well, the first story at least.

Yep, Eirik Gumeny (co-author, editor and sexy beast) has put up the first story in Screw the Universe to be read for free. Isn't he sweet? The answer is yes.

First story for Free!!! Free I say!!!

The ePocalypse: Emails at the End

2011-07-28T14:32:00.005+01:00

The ePocalypse: Emails at the End
Pill Hill Press
Compiled and Edited by Jessy Marie Roberts

It's the end of the world... but there's still time to send out a quick email. This collection features 33 apocalyptic collaborative short stories, written entirely in email format. The end is near, so you better read while you can!

Stories included:

"Steak Knives and Shoes" by Eirik Gumeny & Stephen Schwegler
"The World Has Gone to Pot" by Karin Becht & Matt Becht
"Lost and Spammed" by Chris Lewis Carter & Roger Sellars
"Tides of Chaos" by Blaze McRob & Lori R. Lopez
"Hark! Listen to the Animals" by Lisa Tang Liu & Ken Liu
"Desdemona" by Harris Tobias & Mark Souza
"The Omega File" by Darin Kennedy & Eden Royce
"Perfectly You" by Marianna Halbert & Mark Souza
"Twittering Machines" by Blaize M. Kaye and Bryan Gruneberg
"May God have mercy on our souls" by Brianna Stoddard & Iain Pattison
"Anyone?" by Frances Pauli & Jaleta Clegg
"The Final Statement" by Sarah E. Glenn & Gwen Mayo
"Cataclysmic (Re)Connection" by Ellie Garratt & Chris Allinotte
"Last Day, Last Stand" by Peter Giglio & Charles Day
"The Angel Wars" by Patricia Hollett & Tammy Crosby
"Virtually Paradise" by M.S. Gardner & Mark Souza
"Purity" Through Pain by Adrian Chamberlin, Ian Kobe & Suzanne Robb
"Malarfen" by M. Leon Smith & Rob Moran
"Long Way Home" by Richard Farren Barber & Stuart Hughes
"Countdown to Extinction" by R. Phillip Roberts & Bowie V. Ibarra
"The Children of Josh and Addy" by T. Fox Dunham & Deborah Drake
"Family Ties" by Matt Nord & Rebecca Besser
"Silent Green" by Tom Howard, Belinda Christ & Amanda Howard
"Just like Cuckoo" by Brendan Duffy & David McDonald
"Noah’s Ark" by Mandi M. Lynch, Steph DuFresne, L.A. Hale
"The Blight" by Jim Bronyaur & Maria Kelly
"Between the Fire and the Flames" by Felix Hooke & Sebastian Flynn
"Animal Kingdoom" by Anastasija Ivanovic, Anne Michaud & Jessica Peter
"Firestorm" by Nick Boldock & Darren Sant
"Messages from Vegas at the End of the World" by Jason Andrew & Lisa Andrew
"It Was the Best of Times; It Was the End of Times" by Mark Travis & Cristina Hayden
"The Refuge" by Wendra Chambers & Terence Kuch
"The Horses are Coming" by Lily Scanlan & Claire O’Donnell

Buy it here.

Screw the Universe

2011-07-17T21:06:00.014+01:00

Screw the Universe
The new ebook by Stephen Schwegler (Hey! That's me!) & Eirik Gumeny.

Space, the hopefully not copyrighted final frontier.

Out there is a universe teeming with new and strange life, with science and probably magic and wonderment. And out there, in that inky black void, is a spaceship whose crew honestly could not give a crap.

Welcome to the Zdravo. Home to a crew more concerned with getting ice cream than with saving the galaxy, under the command of a federation that grants promotions based on filthy acts performed behind only occasionally closed doors, and captained by a man whose only goal in life is to bone as many lifeforms as he can, a captain who truly wants to screw the universe.

Screw the Universe is a collection of connected short stories:
Including:

"Fuck the Space Chickens"
"Fine and Peachy: The Peril of Dr. Porn"
"Save the Brains"
"Miranda, Interrupted: The Bane of Private Bloodredshirt"
"Stuff Your Stocking"
"What Have I Done?: The Dumbassedness of First Lieutenant Duknerts"
"Inspect the Toasters"
"The Importance of Eating Pudding: The Rising of Private Redshirt"
"Fill the Holes"
"Here He Comes: A Brief History of Captain Tyler"
"Screw the Universe"

Buy it for your Kindle here.
Buy it for your Nook here.
Buy it here from Smashwords (all your other ebook needs).
Read the first chapter here.

Praise for Screw the Universe
"If you're looking to have a light chuckle or a pretentious snort, then this book probably isn't for you. Now, on the other hand, if you want to laugh your ass off at one of the funniest books I've ever had the pleasure of reading, then by all means buy this. On the first page alone I laughed 3 times, loudly, alone in my apartment, like an idiot. And the book never lets up."
--- Danger_Slater, author of Love Me.

"This is the best book I never read!"
--- Bruce Campbell, Actor, Author, Bad-ass

A Top 25 seller on Amazon.com's Kindle Parodies Top 100 List

Contents Under Pressure

2011-07-15T11:36:00.002+01:00

I have a new story in the Issue 5 of Used Gravitrons entitled "Contents Under Pressure. The issue is available online, as a pdf., and in print.

Enjoy some Used Gravitron goodness.

New Page

2011-06-14T19:09:00.000+01:00

First, I'd like to apologize about the lack of updates and stories recently. The good news is that at least two stories are coming this summer. One will be available in print only and the other will be available online and in print. More on those later. And the bad news is... well, don't really have any. How about... Oh! Michelle Bachmann is going to run for the Republican nomination. That's pretty bad! Scary!

Secondly, there's a new page here. The "Story Description" page lists essentially what each story is about in case you don't know what to read. Or stumbled here accidentally. I'd image you're pretty frightened and apprehensive. Don't worry. No one here will eat you, well... maybe the zombies will.

Curbside in Croatia

2011-02-17T13:44:00.000Z

Forgot to mention, Curbside Splendor also published a photograph I took back in 2009. Check it out here:

Photo.

Splendid

2011-02-16T20:31:00.000Z

Perhaps. was recently reviewed by the editor of Curbside Splendor, Victor David Giron. Check it out here:

Review

Deadlier Than Thou

2011-02-03T14:23:00.006Z

Deadlier Than Thou
Short, Fast, And Deadly
The 2010 Anthology
Edited by Joseph A.W. Quintela

Featuring:
Flash fiction under 420 characters and poetry under 120 characters by over 100 authors.

Some stories/poems included are:

"Yeast" by Lena Judith Drake
"Blind Corners" by Eirik Gumeny
"Death and Taxes" by Bruce Harris
"Faulty Toast" by Stephen Schwegler
"Independence Day" by Eirik Gumeny
"A (My) Bullet List of (Simple) Observations (Of Your Piece (s) ):" by Eryk S. Wenziak
"The Course Kind" by Caroline Maun

Buy it here
More info here

Fandomania Review of Perhaps.

2011-01-12T19:50:00.000Z

Perhaps. was reviewed by the wonderful folks at Fandomania.com

Check it out here: Review

New Layout

2011-01-05T23:27:00.002Z

Threw a new coat of paint on the place. What do you think?

40% off Perhaps.!

2010-11-25T15:34:00.003Z

Perhaps. is on sale over at Lulu.com for $7.79. That's 40% off. ~~Offer only lasts until Sunday night/Monday morning~~. Offer lasts for the rest of the year, and for however long I can stay this generous. Seriously, this doesn't happen that often.

Holiday celebrations are immanent! Give a book to a loved one to stem their hatred for another year. You're on your own next holiday season. See what I was saying about my generosity?

Perhaps., for cheap and stuff!

Busy

2010-10-08T15:57:00.000+01:00

Sorry for the lack of updates in the last month, but things have been busy. A new story was published at Short, Fast, and Deadly. It's an exclusive so be sure you check it out since it's not going to be reprinted anywhere else. Links are in the publications tab.

And don't forget about the store. Still have t-shirts and other fine items available. I'll be working on new items soon so stay tuned.

An Update of Sorts

2010-09-13T16:38:00.000+01:00

Updated the store a little to include the new merch and a couple of places to buy a couple of recently published stories. Feel free to click the link below.

Store

Thanks!

Three Cornflowers

2010-08-31T20:18:00.001+01:00

The good people at Curbside Splendor Publishing have just published my short entitled "Three Cornflowers."

Click here to read it!

Hope everyone enjoys it.

Merch!

2010-08-31T04:14:00.000+01:00

Merchandise now available at:

http://www.cafepress.com/schwegler

T-shirts, mugs, etc... Buy now and please buy often. :)

Coming Soon

2010-08-19T23:26:00.001+01:00

Announcement coming August 31st.

Used Gravitrons

2010-07-31T02:15:00.007+01:00

Used Gravitrons: Issue #02
Used Gravitrons Quarterly
Edited by Shea Newton

Featuring:

"Dream (a song)" by Tim Andreae
"Two on Two" by Stephen Schwegler
"Bird Lady" by Michael Lee Johnson
"The Laughing Skeleton" by Kyle Hemmings
"HEISENBERG" by Mike Berger
"'Six Pack' story" by Daniel Janin
"The Song Inspired By That Open Mouth" by Tim Andreae
"Legal Tender" by Amy Milione
"Homie Don't Play That" by Keith Zimmerman
"The Day Our Home Exploded" by John Lambremont Sr.
"Used Cakes" by Tom Hamilton
"Were I Not a Coward" by Zozie Beatrice
"The House of Lil Joe" by Michael A. Hayes
"K1 Took My Nail Polish [a Letter]" by Zozie Beatrice
"Chronicles of Tim Pt. 2: James-Francis Bentley" by Mike Wiley

Cover Art by Jamie Gleixner
Drawings by Jessica Stapp
Photography by Eli Craven

Buy it here
For more info

The 2010 Jersey Devil Press Anthology

2010-07-27T23:31:00.011+01:00

The 2010 Jersey Devil Press Anthology
Jersey Devil Press
Edited by Eirik Gumeny

Featuring:

"The Legend of the Jersey Devil" by Eirik Gumeny
"Jersey Fresh" by Kate Delany
"The Golden Streams of Babylon" by Andrew Frankel
"Run Away" by Z.Z. Boone
"This is a Story About California and I Would Be Living There" by Jonathan Plombon
"Nate and Able" by Bruce J. Berger
"You and Me and the End of the World" by M.R. Lang
"Navels" by Ansley Moon
"Big Girl" by yt sumner
"Run for the Border" by Louis Wittig
"Tête-à-Tête" by Christina Murphy
"How to Tell Your Aunt and Uncle You Want to Marry Their Daughter" by Kevin Brown
"Snowpocalypse" by Danger_Slater
"English Degree" by Ryan Werner
"A Parking Space Fit for an Elephant" by Stephen Schwegler
"Mendelssohn Hinkle's One Thing" by Jonathan H. Roberts
"Album of the Year" by Gavin Broom
"Out of Steam Punk and Zombies Comes Bruce Lee" by Jenny Ortiz
"Three Dates in Orlando" by Daniel McDermott
"The Werebear Who Wished to Come in from the Rain" by Mike Sweeney

Buy it here
For more info

Review of Green Day: Rock Band

2010-07-24T19:32:00.007+01:00

To put in plainly – as every other review site has seemed to put it as well – if you love Green Day and Rock Band then you should purchase this game.

Yes, it does draw heavily on the band’s later material, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Would I have like all of Insomniac as opposed to 21st Century Breakdown? Of course. Did I expect it? Hell no. I’m just glad “Geek Stink Breath” was included. It being the lead-off single to Insomniac didn’t hurt its chances. That leaves me wondering, though. Where’s “Walking Contradiction”?

Song selection gripes aside – Harmonix couldn’t please everyone no matter what they did, just look at their forums – the game is what you would expect a Green Day Rock Band game to be. You essentially play through three “shows” based around their most landmark albums, Dookie, American Idiot, and the previously mentioned 21st Century Breakdown. Some other singles are thrown in during the American Idiot venue for good measure. The full albums are broken down by difficulty so you can’t play through a whole album until you unlock the challenges, unless you go into Quickplay which has everything unlocked from the get go and you can pick whatever you want.

The venues included consist of two real world stages, Milton Keys and The Fox Theater, as well as The Warehouse, which was created for the game to represent their smaller club days. Harmonix chose not to include the actual club they used to play at back in the day, 924 Gilman Street, due to the band being banned from there by the time Dookie came out so it wouldn’t have been all that genuine. Course I don’t know how a fictional venue makes up for that, but that’s not really too important.

The gameplay is standard Rock Band, expect this time, like The Beatles game, vocal harmonies included. Green Day utilize these a lot in their music, and not just singing the same lines along with the lead singer. This makes it seem like a more fulfilling experience, vocally, than The Beatles: Rock Band.

The other three instruments are a little harder than you’d expect them to be for a Green Day game, mainly due to the speed of some of the songs. The only problem here is that the way the game is set up. By going through in the order the albums were released you’re getting the majority of the hardest songs first. When you get to the last venue and start playing the songs from 21st Century Breakdown you’ll notice that about half the album is considerably slower than compared to the rest of the material in the game and a little boring. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy them. I did. Actually more than I did on the CD. The most fun I had while playing this game was singing and playing guitar at the same time during the entire American Idiot album. Neither instrument is too challenging on those songs, aside from a few moments on guitar, so the multitasking wasn’t too much of an issue. I’m not going to say it made me feel like part of the band or anything like that, but…

Overall, Green Day: Rock Band is mainly for those who love Green Day and really need 47 additional songs added to the library (6 songs from 21st Century Breakdown were released as DLC earlier in the year and are playable here as well). The graphics and interface are a step up from RB2 and right in line with The Beatles game, just not as lavish. The game is a little short, but then again, so are Green Day's earlier albums so I guess we should be used to this by now. It’ll only take a few hours to go through everything once. You can also import the tracks (for $10) into RB2 and eventually RB3 but if you don’t love GD it may seem like a lot. Although, with Rock Band 3’s potential ability to rate songs low enough so that they don’t show up in random set lists it may be worth it. I’d wait until we know if that’s actually going to work though before making the purchase.

So, if you love Green Day go ahead and pick it up. It’s probably less than full price at some places now. If not? Wait for it to get cheap and see if the RB3 skip functionality works. Some of these songs are classics and really should be in everyone’s libraries.

A list of the songs included on the disc and available for DLC:

The Warehouse:

Burnout
Having A Blast
Chump
Longview
Welcome To Paradise
Pulling Teeth
Basket Case
She
Sassafras Roots
When I Come Around
Coming Clean
Emenius Sleepus
In The End
F.O.D.

Milton Keys:

American Idiot
Jesus of Suburbia
Holiday
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Are We the Waiting/St. Jimmy
Give Me Novacaine/She's A Rebel
Extraordinary Girl
Letterbomb
Wake Me When September Ends
Homecoming
Whatsername
Geek Stink Breath
Brain Stew/Jaded
Nice Guys Finish Last
Hitchin' a Ride
Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
Warning
Minority

Fox Theater

Song of the Century
21st Century Breakdown
Know Your Enemy (Downloadable Content)
Viva la Gloria (DLC)
Before the Lobotomy
Christian's Inferno (DLC)
Last Night on Earth
East Jesus Nowhere (DLC)
Peacemaker
Last of the American Girls (DLC)
Murder City
Viva la Gloria (Little Girl)
Restless Heart Syndrome
Horseshoes and Handgrenades
The Static Age
21 Guns (DLC)
American Eulogy
See the Light

Post number 42!

2010-06-25T14:41:00.001+01:00

Just a quick update on what I'm working on, writing related:

Short story entitled "Essential Fluids"
Short story tentatively titled "Tales from Customer Service"
A "family-friendly" story entitled "Kielbasa and Sausage Link: Cake or Pie"
A currently untitled novel.

Non-writing related, well:

Starting a new job on Monday
Enjoying Green Day: Rock Band
Being excited about the new season of Futurama
Still trying to find that last damn orb in Crackdown

Proof!

2010-06-23T17:52:00.000+01:00

People actually bought it! Don't know who, but the rank on amazon was around 1,700,000 yesterday and now it's 87,005! Click the screen shot below for proof.

New Story Available Next Month!

2010-06-23T02:25:00.000+01:00

My short story entitled "A Parking Space Fit for an Elephant" will be published in the 2010 Jersey Devil Press Anthology, due out July 27th, 2010. A link to the pre-order can be found here.

Also, have I got an offer for you. Well, Jersey Devil Press actually. For $25 you can get the anthology and another other book on their site. That could be my book, Eirik Gumeny's Exponential Apocalypse, or even another copy of the anthology should you want to give one as a gift to someone. It'll make a perfect addition to anyone's library. That means a savings of $3.98. Have fun with that.

But wait! There's more! Any order over $25 gets a free set of magnets. It's all detailed by Eirik here.

So, everyone, please pick up a copy. It features some excellent stories inside by some fantastic authors and they're all looking for a home. If you don't buy it, a few may have to be put down. Ball's in your court. You want that on your conscience? Didn't think so.

Faulty Toast

2010-05-31T07:16:00.002+01:00

Toast is up!

Amazon Author Page

2010-05-30T04:01:00.002+01:00

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B003OFJV7G

Review of Fantasy & Science Fiction - May/June 2010

2010-05-25T04:13:00.001+01:00

I should start this review of the May/June 2010 issue of The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction off with a little background information. First, while I love science fiction movies, television shows, video games and comics I’ve never really been one to sit down and read the genre in novels. The occasional one, sure, but nothing regularly. Second, I could say even less for the fantasy genre. I really enjoyed The Lord of the Rings movies though. Does that count?

As a whole, I really enjoyed this issue. I can’t say that I liked every story, but there were several that really stood out and I would consider reading more by those authors.

By far, my favorite of the bunch was “Seven Sins for Seven Dwarves.” Mr. Hilary Goldstein’s sense of humor is right in line with my own – absurd and most definitely not for children. This is, without a doubt, the best retelling of Snow White ever written. Seriously. They should make a movie out of this version. Hell, I’d even see it in 3D, and that’s quite a feat.

Next would be “The Real Martian Chronicles” by John Sladek. This story was perfect. The intro description mentioning Philip K. Dick signaled that I was in for a treat and was I ever. This is what science fiction is for me – exploring new worlds and the like – and I can’t wait to read more of Mr. Sladek’s work. Anyone have any suggestions?

“The Crocodiles” by Steven Popkes rounded out the top three. All I need to say is zombies. Done. Awesome. Found it a little predictable, but strategic World War 2 zombies are enough to defeat that.

The remaining three stories that I thought should be mentioned are “Why That Crazy Old Lady Goes Up the Mountain” by Michael Libling, “Dr. Death Vs. The Vampire” by Aaron Schutz, and “Silence” by Dale Bailey. All were fantastically written and a pleasure to read. That’s not to say the other stories were bad, I’m certainly not implying that. They just weren’t my cup of tea. To be fair I am pretty picky.

All of these stories along with the book and film recommendations/reviews makes F&SF a fantastic collection and one that I will continue to look at in the future for more incredible works of fiction. You’ve converted another one science. Congratulations.

So, what's new?

2010-05-07T23:23:00.004+01:00

Been writing a lot recently. Like, really a lot. Being unemployed and unable to find a job leads to lots of hours of sitting around doing nothing. In an effort to limit the existence of boredom I've been trying to be productive. Well, at least mildly. I've been splitting my time between writing stories for the second book, a joint story with Eirik Gumeny and - wait for it - a novel. I know. Crazy, right?

The novel doesn't have a name just yet and, to be honest, I don't know if it'll make it to novel length or not. It is, by far, the most detailed piece I've attempted to write. That said, I'm a good 40 or 50 pages in and haven't even gotten to the conflict/main plot of the story. Don't worry all you fans of the completely ludicrous, the novel will be as insane as everything else I've written. And hey! They're not all insane. Just the majority of them. Okay maybe all but one or two. Stop judging me!

Book two on the other hand, which also doesn't have a title, is coming along exceedingly well and is already longer than Perhaps. Longer in page count, not stories contained within. But seeing as how it won't be out until next year sometime I've got time to top that too.

I'm incredibly pleased with the story Eirik and I have been working on. We're almost done with it, but have no idea what we're going to do with it when we are. It's one of, if not, the most ridiculous stories I've been a part of.

Well, that's about it for now. Hopefully, I'll get a job soon so I can take a break from this whole staying up until two in the morning and sleeping until noon thing.

*WARNING* - Shameless self-promotion to follow:
And don't forget, if you haven't purchased Perhaps. you can do so in the Store link on the top up there. Plenty of places to buy it from, including a signed copy should you desire.

Genghis Khan Versus what now?

2010-05-05T05:11:00.000+01:00

If you couldn't make the show we had last week here's some of what you missed:

http://www.jerseydevilpress.com/2010/05/04/genghis-khan-vs-a-velociraptor-the-aftermath/

Win a copy of Perhaps.!

2010-04-27T20:14:00.000+01:00

Want to own Perhaps., but don't want to pay for it? Enter to win a copy at goodreads.com!

http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/3843-perhaps

It was a draw...

2010-04-25T18:33:00.002+01:00

The show, Genghis Khan vs. A Velociraptor, went exceptionally well last night. We performed three of my shorts ("Finding an Apartment is Hell," "Jesus Was Broke" and "The Continuing Adventures of...") along with 3 or 4 plays by Eirik Gumeny, depending on the show you went to, and an except from his novel, Exponential Apocalypse. Had great time with everyone there and I just want to thank Jersey Devil Press, all the actors and everyone for coming out.

Simultaneously on Facebook

2010-04-21T20:59:00.000+01:00

Blog posts should now be showing on the Perhaps. fan page on Facebook. Let's hope this works!

BN

2010-04-21T17:21:00.000+01:00

Also on Barnes & Noble now!

Amazon!

2010-04-17T15:48:00.002+01:00

Finally up at Amazon.com.

Buy Perhaps. and save some money!

2010-04-16T23:11:00.000+01:00

Want to save $3.99 on Perhaps.? Enter FREEMAIL305 on lulu.com when ordering the book and do just that. That should cover the cheapest shipping option so it's basically like getting free shipping. Can't really beat that! The link is on the store page.

Offer good until 5/1/10.

Your World Of Text

2010-04-13T11:34:00.000+01:00

I have my own Your World of Text site now. Feel free to post whatever you want on it. Feel free to leave your name, or don't it's up to you.

http://www.yourworldoftext.com/perhaps

Redesign

2010-04-10T21:34:00.005+01:00

There's going to be a slight redesign coming to the website soon. Should get rid of some of the clutter on the right side of the page.

EDIT: And now it has been.

EDIT 2: All the info that was on the right side of the page is now in the links under the title (About the Author, Books, etc...) Everything should be there and more. To get back to the home/blog page just click on "Perhaps." at the top of each page. Or you can click on "Home" at the bottom of each page. Whichever is easiest for you. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the new layout.

New Story Online!

2010-04-08T17:02:00.003+01:00

The Reclusive Rodent Wrangler has been posted online by the wonderful people over at Blink|Ink. Feel free to check it out and while you're there take a look at some of the other authors. It's all microfiction so it won't take much of your time.

2 Days

2010-04-06T22:15:00.001+01:00

Something is coming in 2 days.

Come see a show!

2010-04-04T03:01:00.004+01:00

Drawing by Eirik Gumeny. Actually, I had nothing to do with this ad, just posting it here to get more people to show up. I will be reading though. That's something, right?

Perhaps.

2010-03-15T04:13:00.004Z

Perhaps.
A Collection of Short Fiction by Stephen Schwegler
Jersey Devil Press
Edited by Eirik Gumeny

Stories included:
Doughnuts
On My Adventure
Finding an Apartment is Hell
The Continuing Adventure of...
Jesus Was Broke
In Search of the Glass Chicken
The Clock and the Locksmith
Underneath the Juggler
Behold: The Mystical Powers of the Lord
Decisions
Rodents from Beyond: Part One
Big Titty Showdown

Buy It Now!

Praise for Perhaps.
"Steve has a really crazy sense of humour in the great tradition of the Goon Show and Monty Python. Thank him for me, please, for a witty, inventive, surreal and subversive collection."
--- Gillian Bennett, author of “Alas, Poor Ghost!”: Traditions of Belief in Story and Discourse

"If I had to use one word to describe this book, it would be 'quirky.' Schwegler has sought to use the world around us and give it a slant. With appearances by intelligent squirrels, talking food, and even Jesus, the range of story subjects will make you look at reality in a new way."
--- Kimberly Lynn Workman, Fandomania

"Made me smile many times."
--- Victor David Giron, author of Sophomoric Philosophy and editor at Curbside Splendor Publishing

Pre-orders are closed

2010-03-03T07:25:00.002Z

Pre-orders are now closed. But don't worry. The book will be on sale on March 15th. We hope to have all the pre-orders shipped by then (signed ones included). Kindle version should be available around March 15th as well.

It's almost here! Woooo!!

You can read two stories now!

2010-02-19T21:03:00.002Z

Two of the stories in Perhaps. can be read now! "Decisions" and "Jesus Was Broke" are available to read on the Jersey Devil Press website. You can try to navigate the page or just click on the story links on the right. Enjoy!

Pre-order!

2010-02-03T04:39:00.001Z

You can pre-order Perhaps. at www.jerseydevilpress.com.

A Little More Proof

2010-02-01T00:17:00.001Z

Coming Soon...

2010-01-15T16:05:00.003Z

ISBN

2010-01-12T16:09:00.002Z

Should have the ISBN for Perhaps. in two business days. After that all that's left to do is design a cover and back and send it of to get printed. Other than that the book is basically done. I plan on rereading it again, doing all of that listed above, ordering a proof and reading that and then approving it. After that we just wait until it shows up on Amazon and the like.

Still Almost Done

2010-01-04T04:21:00.002Z

Perhaps. is edited and is currently being reread. Also figuring out in which order to put the stories and then all that's left is copyrighting, formatting and getting the ISBN. And then hopefully by the end of February it'll be available for purchase at fine retailers like Amazon.com and BN.com.

Can't Sleep

2009-12-23T04:39:00.002Z

I can't sleep. So I figured I'd post a couple of comics I did with one of those online templates. The link is below and on the right as well.

Oh, the book is done. It's being edited now and then it's just a matter of time.

http://www.wittycomics.com/users/perhaps

Almost There

2009-12-04T16:09:00.001Z

The book, Perhaps., is almost done. Eleven out of the twelve stories are finished. The twelfth is being reviewed as I type. All of them should be edited shortly and then formatting, layout, and all that fun stuff dealing with printing. Good times. Honestly, I can't wait.

An Update of Sorts

2009-11-25T05:02:00.003Z

Almost done with the book. I'm finishing up Ed and Reginald as well as In Search of the Glass Chicken and I'm actually pleased with how they're turning out. As some of you may have noticed I've added Decisions to the story list for the book. Well I'm also adding The Continuing Adventures Of... . Yet another very short story that I hope to continue in future installments of whatever.

Published

2009-10-01T00:12:00.003+01:00

Looks like I've been published in the inaugural issue of Jersey Devil Press.

Here's the link:
Decisions

Title

2009-07-12T21:16:00.003+01:00

So we have a title for the book.

Perhaps.
A Collection of Short Fiction by Stephen Schwegler

More information coming during the next couple of weeks.

The news.

2009-07-11T04:22:00.006+01:00

Okay. So I'm working on my first book. It'll be a collection of short fiction that I've written over the past 7 or so years. Still working on a few of them to be completely honest. I can't say more about it right now since there are some details that still need to be finalized. What I can say is that I'm expecting to have everything written and edited within the next couple of months and that it'll be published by a small North Jersey outfit that was recently started named Jersey Devil Press. They're still getting their website organized so please hold off judgment until later. Their first book is called Exponential Apocalypse, by a friend of mine, Eirik Gumeny. It's hilarious and everyone should check it out. A sample is available at that link as well as a place to buy. It will eventually be available at Amazon.com.

Once the details for my book become clearer I'll be revealing more information about it, such as the title, what stories will be included and whatnot.

Oh, in case you were concerned, I will still be posting stories here from time to time. Mainly new ones or excerpts from the ones in the book. You know, to entice the audience.

Well that's all for now. I hope things go smoothly and it comes out sooner than later. Stay tuned for more!

Perhaps.

2009-07-07T05:02:00.001+01:00

Okay. So I'd usually post the announcements on the side, but this is a big one. There's something big coming. Hopefully in the next couple months. More to come.

Fictional Tales of Absurdity

2012

The Rodents are Back!

News To Me

Turkey's Unite!

Inspired By Real Cats

Paperback!

Rodents!

Back and to the Front

Coming Soon! Screw the Universe in Print!

Expiration Date

Thanks England!

Another Week of Awesomeness!

Thank you!

A Whole New Kind of Top 40

Screw the Universe Book Review!

Screw the Universe for Free!

The ePocalypse: Emails at the End

Screw the Universe

Contents Under Pressure

New Page

Curbside in Croatia

Splendid

Deadlier Than Thou

Fandomania Review of Perhaps.

New Layout

40% off Perhaps.!

Busy

An Update of Sorts

Three Cornflowers

Merch!

Coming Soon

Used Gravitrons

The 2010 Jersey Devil Press Anthology

Review of Green Day: Rock Band

Post number 42!

Proof!

New Story Available Next Month!

Faulty Toast

Amazon Author Page

Review of Fantasy & Science Fiction - May/June 2010

So, what's new?

Genghis Khan Versus what now?

Win a copy of Perhaps.!

It was a draw...

More links to buy (for you international buyers)

Simultaneously on Facebook

BN

Amazon!

Buy Perhaps. and save some money!

Your World Of Text

Redesign

New Story Online!

2 Days

Come see a show!

Perhaps.

Pre-orders are closed

You can read two stories now!

Pre-order!

A Little More Proof

Coming Soon...

ISBN

Still Almost Done

Can't Sleep

Almost There

An Update of Sorts

Published

Title

The news.

Perhaps.