Fictional Tales of Absurdity

Seriously, I'm Working On It

2012-02-12T22:43:00.000Z

Created a new page to house all of the coming info on the new book that will be coming later this year.

HERE.

2012

2012-01-12T23:50:00.002Z

So, the plan for the year, as it would seem, is my second (solo) collection of short stories. I'll be self-publishing this one so wish me luck. It'll contain some of the stories published since the release of Perhaps. and some never before read (by most people anyway). More info in the coming months.

Kind of want to try my luck getting one or two more published if you don't mind having less new stories to read in the book. Then again, they might get declined. Don't want that. Decisions, decisions...

The Rodents are Back!

2011-12-11T23:54:00.001Z

Rodents from Beyond: Part Two was recently published by Jersey Devil Press. It's the one and only quarterly issue and Eirik Gumeny's last as editor. Check it out in the link below.

Issue Twenty-Five
Rodents from Beyond: Part Two

News To Me

2011-11-23T21:12:00.001Z

My new best friends over at SolQu shorts recently posted about what makes a short story plot. You can read the whole article here. In said article they deconstruct my short, "Cake or Pie or Timmy." Here's an excerpt:

In his recent short story ‘Cake or Pie or Timmy’, Stephen Schwegler follows all 5 short story rules.
He has two central characters that are cats, with other minor characters in the cat Timmy and the Doberman dog plus the unseen characters of the humans the cats live with.
His setting is the apartment and neighbourhood that the cats live within.
The plot is kept simple; the cats are off to raid a neighbours for pie. Will they succeed?
The central conflict is two-fold. Will they be able to overcome the dog and get the pie plus should they divert their attentions and go save Timmy from the well instead?
Which leaves use with the central theme to the story – should self-interest overrule doing the right thing and helping those less fortunate than ourselves, even if it means we have to give up or lose out on the thing we really really want?
So as we can see, structuring a short story doesn’t have to be overly complex or massively diverse. It can be keep simple yet remain hugely effective (we do love cake or Pie or Timmy here at Solqu Shorts!)

Needless to say, I'm more than pleased with this result and can't thank them enough for their kind words.

Turkey's Unite!

2011-11-18T15:08:00.001Z

Hi again! Busy week as it turns out. Latest story, entitled "Chinese Take-Out," has just been published in the Jersey Devil Press Holiday Half-Issue. It's the semi-sequel to Eirik Gumeny's "Almost Every November." So you should probably read that one first so you have a little background info. Lucky for you, they're both in the same issue. Enjoy!

Check it out here.

Inspired By Real Cats

2011-11-17T00:10:00.001Z

"Cake or Pie or Timmy" was recently published at SolQu Shorts. Check it out in the link below. It's probably the cutest thing I've ever done. As the kitty in over there should clearly indicate.

Linky.

Paperback!

2011-11-02T20:12:00.002Z

Screw the Universe is now available in paperback! For only $7.99 you can pick up the classic ebook in physical form and have myself and Perhaps., even Eirik Gumeny sign a copy. Oh, yeah, that's right. You know you want it. Plus, it'll make us happy.

Screw the Universe now!

Rodents!

2011-10-28T22:44:00.000+01:00

Hi! I've decided to throw another book excerpt out there for Perhaps. Click the link below to check out "Rodents from Beyond: Part One" on the Facebook page.

Rodents from Beyond: Part One

Back and to the Front

2011-10-22T15:24:00.002+01:00

The full cover for the print version of Screw the Universe. Which is due to be released November 1st, 2011! Get those wallets ready people!

Coming Soon! Screw the Universe in Print!

2011-09-29T18:09:00.001+01:00

I'd like to announce that the insanely popular ebook, Screw the Universe, will soon be released in paperback for all you folks unwilling to sell your souls to Amazon or Apple or whichever ereader currently making you an offer. No release date yet as we're still finalizing a few last minute things, but I've seen the formatted rough copy and it looks magnificent. More updates to come. Woo!

Expiration Date

2011-09-22T16:33:00.002+01:00

The fantastic people over at Stanley the Whale have just published one of my shorts. Please click the link below to read "Expiration Date."

Check it out!

Thanks England!

2011-09-21T16:11:00.001+01:00

So it looks like Screw the Universe has been selling well in the United Kingdom as well. During the last week it made it to #74, at least that's the highest I saw it reach.

The success of StU has also done well for Perhaps. as well. The Kindle version has jumped up during the past week as well in both the US and UK stores.

There's also a price drop coming on the paperback version of Perhaps. It's already down to $9.99 on Lulu.com. It should be reduced everywhere else in the next month or so.

Happy reading!

Another Week of Awesomeness!

2011-09-13T21:36:00.001+01:00

Well then. I really didn't think it would have been possible to have a week that topped the last one, but the last seven days have been truly amazing.

First off, we got a blurb for the cover of Screw the Universe by none other than Mr. Boomstick himself, Bruce Campbell! I was literally speechless for a good minute or two. Still, it's mind-boggling to me. Yeah, it was on Twitter, and yeah, he didn't actually read the book, but who cares! See the blurb on the Screw the Universe page, in the screen shot on the right and on this link of the actual tweet.

Secondly, and probably all due to the bit from up above, Screw the Universe made it to #15 on Amazon.com's Kindle Parodies top 100 list. In addition to that, we also made it to #65 on Amazon's Science Fiction Anthologies top 100 list.

So, again, on behalf of Eirik and myself, thank you!

Thank you!

2011-09-07T13:45:00.001+01:00

Wow! What a week! I just wanted to say, "Thank you!" on behalf of myself and Eirik Gumeny. Screw the Universe made it up to #25 on the Amazon.com Kindle Parodies top 100 list. We were completely shocked by this and couldn't be more grateful. Thank you again. Here's a picture of the Top 25 goodness!

A Whole New Kind of Top 40

2011-08-31T21:52:00.001+01:00

Hey Peoples! Looks like Screw the Universe has been busy over at Amazon.com. Top 40 in the Kindle/parody section. Oh yeah!

Screw the Universe Book Review!

2011-08-24T22:33:00.000+01:00

The incredibly sexy, mysterious and flammable Danger_Slater has been kind enough to review Screw the Universe. He posted his review on goodreads.com, but you can read it below without needing to leave the page. Or if you want to get the hell out of here the direct link is below the quote.

Danger Slater's review
Aug 24, 11

Recommended for: aliens, people in red shirts, neptunian devil bears, sex addicts and children under the age of 3

If you're looking to have a light chuckle or a pretentious snort, then this book probably isn't for you. Now, on the other hand, if you want to laugh your ass off at one of the funniest books I've ever had the pleasure of reading, then by all means buy this. On the first page alone I laughed 3 times, loudly, alone in my apartment, like an idiot. And the book never lets up.

I think that Schwegler and Gumeny must be evil geniuses. You can almost feel their glee as they sadistically murder, remurder, molest, mutilate and embarass nearly every character in the book. It's puerile, but also extremely clever. It's full of sex and violence, but as far from erotica or horror as you could possibly get. It's an easy read, but not easy to put down. The dialogue moves along at roller-coaster speeds. Puns abound. You never quite know what ridiculousness the next page may bring. Oh, and it cost less than a dollar! Seriously, for the amount of entertainment you will get from this, you'd of paid much more. At least a $1.50.

Direct Link.

Screw the Universe for Free!

2011-08-23T19:18:00.000+01:00

Well, the first story at least.

Yep, Eirik Gumeny (co-author, editor and sexy beast) has put up the first story in Screw the Universe to be read for free. Isn't he sweet? The answer is yes.

First story for Free!!! Free I say!!!

The ePocalypse: Emails at the End

2011-07-28T14:32:00.005+01:00

The ePocalypse: Emails at the End
Pill Hill Press
Compiled and Edited by Jessy Marie Roberts

It's the end of the world... but there's still time to send out a quick email. This collection features 33 apocalyptic collaborative short stories, written entirely in email format. The end is near, so you better read while you can!

Stories included:

"Steak Knives and Shoes" by Eirik Gumeny & Stephen Schwegler
"The World Has Gone to Pot" by Karin Becht & Matt Becht
"Lost and Spammed" by Chris Lewis Carter & Roger Sellars
"Tides of Chaos" by Blaze McRob & Lori R. Lopez
"Hark! Listen to the Animals" by Lisa Tang Liu & Ken Liu
"Desdemona" by Harris Tobias & Mark Souza
"The Omega File" by Darin Kennedy & Eden Royce
"Perfectly You" by Marianna Halbert & Mark Souza
"Twittering Machines" by Blaize M. Kaye and Bryan Gruneberg
"May God have mercy on our souls" by Brianna Stoddard & Iain Pattison
"Anyone?" by Frances Pauli & Jaleta Clegg
"The Final Statement" by Sarah E. Glenn & Gwen Mayo
"Cataclysmic (Re)Connection" by Ellie Garratt & Chris Allinotte
"Last Day, Last Stand" by Peter Giglio & Charles Day
"The Angel Wars" by Patricia Hollett & Tammy Crosby
"Virtually Paradise" by M.S. Gardner & Mark Souza
"Purity" Through Pain by Adrian Chamberlin, Ian Kobe & Suzanne Robb
"Malarfen" by M. Leon Smith & Rob Moran
"Long Way Home" by Richard Farren Barber & Stuart Hughes
"Countdown to Extinction" by R. Phillip Roberts & Bowie V. Ibarra
"The Children of Josh and Addy" by T. Fox Dunham & Deborah Drake
"Family Ties" by Matt Nord & Rebecca Besser
"Silent Green" by Tom Howard, Belinda Christ & Amanda Howard
"Just like Cuckoo" by Brendan Duffy & David McDonald
"Noah’s Ark" by Mandi M. Lynch, Steph DuFresne, L.A. Hale
"The Blight" by Jim Bronyaur & Maria Kelly
"Between the Fire and the Flames" by Felix Hooke & Sebastian Flynn
"Animal Kingdoom" by Anastasija Ivanovic, Anne Michaud & Jessica Peter
"Firestorm" by Nick Boldock & Darren Sant
"Messages from Vegas at the End of the World" by Jason Andrew & Lisa Andrew
"It Was the Best of Times; It Was the End of Times" by Mark Travis & Cristina Hayden
"The Refuge" by Wendra Chambers & Terence Kuch
"The Horses are Coming" by Lily Scanlan & Claire O’Donnell

Buy it here.

Screw the Universe

2011-07-17T21:06:00.014+01:00

Screw the Universe
The new ebook by Stephen Schwegler (Hey! That's me!) & Eirik Gumeny.

Space, the hopefully not copyrighted final frontier.

Out there is a universe teeming with new and strange life, with science and probably magic and wonderment. And out there, in that inky black void, is a spaceship whose crew honestly could not give a crap.

Welcome to the Zdravo. Home to a crew more concerned with getting ice cream than with saving the galaxy, under the command of a federation that grants promotions based on filthy acts performed behind only occasionally closed doors, and captained by a man whose only goal in life is to bone as many lifeforms as he can, a captain who truly wants to screw the universe.

Screw the Universe is a collection of connected short stories:
Including:

"Fuck the Space Chickens"
"Fine and Peachy: The Peril of Dr. Porn"
"Save the Brains"
"Miranda, Interrupted: The Bane of Private Bloodredshirt"
"Stuff Your Stocking"
"What Have I Done?: The Dumbassedness of First Lieutenant Duknerts"
"Inspect the Toasters"
"The Importance of Eating Pudding: The Rising of Private Redshirt"
"Fill the Holes"
"Here He Comes: A Brief History of Captain Tyler"
"Screw the Universe"

Buy it for your Kindle here.
Buy it for your Nook here.
Buy it here from Smashwords (all your other ebook needs).
Read the first chapter here.

Praise for Screw the Universe
"If you're looking to have a light chuckle or a pretentious snort, then this book probably isn't for you. Now, on the other hand, if you want to laugh your ass off at one of the funniest books I've ever had the pleasure of reading, then by all means buy this. On the first page alone I laughed 3 times, loudly, alone in my apartment, like an idiot. And the book never lets up."
--- Danger_Slater, author of Love Me.

"This is the best book I never read!"
--- Bruce Campbell, Actor, Author, Bad-ass

A Top 25 seller on Amazon.com's Kindle Parodies Top 100 List

Contents Under Pressure

2011-07-15T11:36:00.002+01:00

I have a new story in the Issue 5 of Used Gravitrons entitled "Contents Under Pressure. The issue is available online, as a pdf., and in print.

Enjoy some Used Gravitron goodness.

New Page

2011-06-14T19:09:00.000+01:00

First, I'd like to apologize about the lack of updates and stories recently. The good news is that at least two stories are coming this summer. One will be available in print only and the other will be available online and in print. More on those later. And the bad news is... well, don't really have any. How about... Oh! Michelle Bachmann is going to run for the Republican nomination. That's pretty bad! Scary!

Secondly, there's a new page here. The "Story Description" page lists essentially what each story is about in case you don't know what to read. Or stumbled here accidentally. I'd image you're pretty frightened and apprehensive. Don't worry. No one here will eat you, well... maybe the zombies will.

Curbside in Croatia

2011-02-17T13:44:00.000Z

Forgot to mention, Curbside Splendor also published a photograph I took back in 2009. Check it out here:

Photo.

Splendid

2011-02-16T20:31:00.000Z

Perhaps. was recently reviewed by the editor of Curbside Splendor, Victor David Giron. Check it out here:

Review

Deadlier Than Thou

2011-02-03T14:23:00.006Z

Deadlier Than Thou
Short, Fast, And Deadly
The 2010 Anthology
Edited by Joseph A.W. Quintela

Featuring:
Flash fiction under 420 characters and poetry under 120 characters by over 100 authors.

Some stories/poems included are:

"Yeast" by Lena Judith Drake
"Blind Corners" by Eirik Gumeny
"Death and Taxes" by Bruce Harris
"Faulty Toast" by Stephen Schwegler
"Independence Day" by Eirik Gumeny
"A (My) Bullet List of (Simple) Observations (Of Your Piece (s) ):" by Eryk S. Wenziak
"The Course Kind" by Caroline Maun

Buy it here
More info here

Fandomania Review of Perhaps.

2011-01-12T19:50:00.000Z

Perhaps. was reviewed by the wonderful folks at Fandomania.com

Check it out here: Review